To make a long story short, I write Final Fantasy VIII fanfiction. In fact, I have a fic that just had it's two-year anniversary on the 25th that I'm still writing chapters for (what can I say, I'm very long-winded, haha). Another fact is that writing is almost like a part time job with no pay. It's kind of like volunteering, really. You work for no money but you feel good about yourself when people randomly stop by just to say, 'Hey, you're doing a nice job. I appreciate what you're doing. Thanks.' Unfortunately, I am human so I'll admit that it's the only good part about this unpaid job (that and the fact that my analogies suck, but hear me out now).
To make another story short, on the 24th, I updated with a 4,000+ word chapter that was kind of fluffy. It was well received but I only three reviews for it. Granted, I might have slit my own throat because I somehow managed to miraculously update when the site's login/uploading section was down (so a lot of people couldn't review because they couldn't login) but still. I got three fucking reviews when the chapter had 158 views. Now think about it, that's a single review for 50 page views. I find something terribly offensive with that ratio.
Anyway, after that chapter, I honestly didn't know what to write and I felt like I was lacking some kind of direction. I've been feeling like this with this fic for a little while now. I didn't feel like I could really go forward and acheive anything I had set out to happen because more often than not, I think of better things on the fly though it screws up long term plans I make.
So, because of that I get the idea that maybe applying the song meme to a bigger picture might help get me thinking of something (because people would have my head if I literally made this a song meme resulting in 100-ish words), anything to feel inspired again. With what I thought was good luck, I got Our Lady Peace's Right Behind You. I felt lucky to have gotten a decent song that could easily fit in without cheating with the shuffle 'cause honestly, I kept on expecting an unusable Metallica song to pop up.
Oh-ho no... It ended up being a shit-fest from there on in and for the first time ever, I was receiving negative/WTF reviews. I got 8 reviews, but that meant fuck all when people were making me feel like shit.
Oops, did I forget to explain? Yeah, I did.
So yeah, the reason behind this was I seemed to have had the strangest idea to make it look like I'd killed off Rinoa's parents in the game when Rinoa was on the road to recovery from some other problems. It's a fucking shame though, because it was exactly the kind of thing that I needed to get where I needed to be for what I'd planned and for once I felt excited to write something. I'm not a heartless person, so I made sure I thought this doozy of a left turn through just like I had with some other plot bunnies I'd done in the past.
Anyway, here's a sampling of the kind of shit I had gotten for this:
huh? Well that was completely out of left field. Where the hell did that idea come from? She's an orphan now? Not sure I'm liking where this is going all that much... I hope there's a good reason for killing them off. I... don't really know what to say about this chapter. It's fairly short and... yeah, I don't really know what to say.
i don't know what to say. is that an official chapter to the story? anyway please update soon.
(Spread the word, pray for the soul of Amiel, 10 years old, who died literally flattened by two vans on his way to buy a hotdog from the school cafeteria. Correct the name spelling if you know any better) Wow...I hate it. I mean, if you've read the note above you'll see why. I really, really thought reading your latest chapter would cheer me up from the horrible death of a stranger who had a whole life ahead of him but no... it turns out to be tragic, too. I mean don't get me wrong, I can't wait for the next chapter; total cliffhanger you gave me, really good one, too. But it's just one of those things where it's totally not the one you were looking for. *sniffles* Keep up the good work.
To be honest, I don't know what to say about this chapter except I'll wait and see what you do with it. I trust you enough to keep reading and see where this goes. If this really happened and isn't a dream, then I'm worried Rin will stop eating again and relapse. But hopefully, with Squall there, things will be fine. It's just... with everything else that's happened to her, I don't see how she can bounce back from this. (As for your experiment thing, I kinda hope you don't it. I know it didn't really work this time, but I'd like the story to flow naturally and not be forced to fit whatever song happens to get picked.)
So yeah, I know that some of these sound like they're backhanded compliments but honestly, it was the little things I was picking out from them that really hurt. Like there were two people (one of them I didn't put here) who pasted that message about a kid getting run over by a truck (even though they had different names). Most of the people were probably hoping that this was just a dream, and one even had the audacity of thinking that I was just doing this trying to fit the OLP song. Needless to say, until a friend gave me some hope with her review trying to make sense of the others, I'd honestly felt like I'd fucked up big time and jumped the shark.
She basically gave me the courage to say something back in my author's notes when I managed to update another chapter within the same day (that's a really rare feat to be honest with you). I know it was a wall of text, but felt like a necessary wall of text.
So as of now, I have three reviews and the same person who accused me of trying to fit the OLP song isn't going to review anymore though he/she said they'd still follow. Yeah...isn't everyone doing just that?
I bet you any money that my review to view ratio is going to get even more skewered. I'll probably only get the two reviews from people who never say anything more than 'plz update soon.'
Fuck, is this some kind of double standard where I can't make some kind of interesting plot twist but others can?
I think I need to start drinking.
You haven't seen the world outside for days,
You sleep, you hope, you wait,
Imagination disappears,
And all the dreams you have, you save,
Confrontation like a mirror,
They try to take your mind away.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Do I Dare To Hope?
Yeah, it's pretty common for things I look forward to blow up in my face somehow. But I ask the question, do I dare to hope for something, anything?
2008 was rather shitty music-wise. The only album I actually looked forward to was 3 Doors Down's self-titled album. And although Scott Weiland's solo album "Happy" In Galoshes was a surprise to me, it was definitely a delightful one. Yep. Two freaking CDs to show for all year (four if you count Death Magnetic and The Sound Of Madness, which were also good). Want proof that I was starved for something new? I actually bought David Cook's album because John Rzeznik and Raine Maida co-wrote some stuff with him. Sad, really. I should have known better because I wasn't exactly fond of Cookie's voice to begin with.
Anyway, getting back on track, according to various sources, the following bands that I'm following are supposed to have '09 releases:
2008 was rather shitty music-wise. The only album I actually looked forward to was 3 Doors Down's self-titled album. And although Scott Weiland's solo album "Happy" In Galoshes was a surprise to me, it was definitely a delightful one. Yep. Two freaking CDs to show for all year (four if you count Death Magnetic and The Sound Of Madness, which were also good). Want proof that I was starved for something new? I actually bought David Cook's album because John Rzeznik and Raine Maida co-wrote some stuff with him. Sad, really. I should have known better because I wasn't exactly fond of Cookie's voice to begin with.
Anyway, getting back on track, according to various sources, the following bands that I'm following are supposed to have '09 releases:
- Default - Still Standing
- Third Eye Blind - Ursa Major
- Evans Blue - Title Unknown
- Rob Thomas - Cradle Songs
- Our Lady Peace - Burn, Burn
- Goo Goo Dolls - Title Unknown
- Lifehouse - Title Unknown
- Breaking Benjamin - Title Unknown
- Matchbox Twenty - Title Unknown
- Muse - Title Unknown
Now, I've ordered the list by the likelihood that they'll actually release the CD this year in my opinion. Default's album is slated for a March release and has actually been done for quite awhile, the only problem they've had is with the label they've had to ditch.
Rob Thomas has basically let it slip that his solo thing'll drop in May in a random video I saw and there's a blog stating a likely June release in regards to Ursa Major. Evans Blue is apparently kicking things off with a single in April and an album in late June so I'll take my chances and lump them in the same category as Third Eye Blind. Should be interesting with the new singer Dan Chandler. I'll have to cyber-stalk him to hear what he sounds like. The band's keeping the same musical style so I can't imagine it being like a complete departure from the old stuff.
Lifehouse has apparently said they're shooting for an August release but considering that they've only been in the studio since last November, I'm a little skeptical about it. I know it seems odd to put the Dolls ahead of them when they've been so FUCKING mum on the subject of the album, but they've [theoretically] had more time to play with than Lifehouse and John keeps on saying that it'll come out this year, so that's why I say that. You'd better not let me down Rzeznik. This is the first album from you guys that I've had to wait for. The sparse number of weeks I had to wait Let Love In was only training. Breaking Ben's starting to record in the spring and are also hoping for a summer release, but for the same reasoning regarding Lifehouse and Goo, I've put them lower on the list. I put Our Lady Peace higher than the others because they've already got a title, a tracklisting and more time to record stuff.
Apparently Matchbox Twenty is also releasing a new album according to wiki, but I'm not really sold on that because it's only rumoured and with Rob's solo CD, I'd be skeptical that they'd release a MB20 record in the same year. After all, we all know that you only make money going out on tour.
Last, but not least, there's Muse. They're currently flirting with an '09/'10 release, but I don't really care to be honest. I just like a handful of their songs anyway.
So there you have it, 9 or 10 potential releases! Even if some get pushed back at least I know that some will see the light of day this year and it's gotta be better than the 2-4 meager offerings from last year. Cross your fingers and hope for the best!
And yeah, who else was incredibly disappointed by AG's announcement? Seriously, do not pull that shit when a new album's in the works. We may be naive fools, but we have feelings too.
You read the news, it turns you inside out, and everybody feels the same as you...
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Call Me Immature But I Find This Fuckin' Hilarious.
Another song meme with a twist. Here's the rules for this one:
-Put your iPod, Window Media player etc. on shuffle
-Use the first 15 songs, and at the end of every song name, put "In My Pants" behind it.
Okay, here it goes!
-Put your iPod, Window Media player etc. on shuffle
-Use the first 15 songs, and at the end of every song name, put "In My Pants" behind it.
Okay, here it goes!
- Chasing Cars...in my pants. [Snow Patrol]
- Broken...in my pants. [Lifehouse]
- I Dare You...in my pants. [Shinedown]
- Don't Worry...in my pants. [Goo Goo Dolls]
- Art School Girlfriend...in my pants. [Stone Temple Pilots]
- One By One...in my pants. [Alter Bridge]
- Father's Son...in my pants. [3 Doors Down]
- Life...in my pants. [Our Lady Peace]
- Save Me...in my pants. [Shinedown]
- Glide...in my pants. [Stone Temple Pilots]
- Iris...in my pants. [Goo Goo Dolls]
- Sick & Tired...in my pants. [Default]
- Watch Your Words...in my pants. [Alter Bridge]
- Right Where I Belong...in my pants. [3 Doors Down]
- Let Me Go...in my pants. [3 Doors Down]
Pffft....my God, I think I'm dying here.
You love me, but you don't know who I am,
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand...in my pants.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Song Shuffle Memes...Fanfiction Style.
See, there's actually a reason why, under the header of 'Dangerously Caffeinated,' there is something that says: 'A place where random and quirky pieces of writing have found their home.'
I am, to a certain degree, a writer who specializes in quirky writing. I seriously cannot help that. Whenever I have any serious scene I have in a chapter, more often then not, I can't help but inject a joke or just something that makes it less serious. Luckily for me, I stumbled across a fanfiction meme where it combines my love of song shuffle memes and fanfiction. It basically forces you to write a drabble about your favourite pairing with your songs on shuffle and you have to write each drabble within the song's duration.
Just to give you a taste, these are my current favourites so far:
Spinning around in an old tire, being pushed by Rinoa…it seemed utterly ridiculous. The whole damn idea was ridiculous. People were gawking, I was getting dizzy on top of it…why I was still on this swing was beyond me but it didn’t stop me from staying silent and letting Rinoa playfully push me.
“Had enough?” she asked. I could tell by her voice that she was smiling, on the brink of giggling.
Somehow, I found myself with a slight grin in spite of the embarrassment and nausea.
“No, not yet.”
And I wouldn’t have changed my answer for anything in the world.
-—Wait For the Blackout (cover)—Goo Goo Dolls—3:39—-
Whenever things happen in the most peculiar times, we often try to recreate a similar kind of situation in hopes of recreating the moment, even if it’s nowhere near as memorable. Squall and I first made love to each other during the only blackout Balamb Garden had ever suffered.
I’ve tried to fry our lights at least four times now. Buying light bulbs after is so totally worth it.
-—Closing Time—Semisonic—3:51—-
A bar. Of all places she drags me to after all this time apart, she calls me up, asking me to meet her up in a bar in Timber? I just don’t get it. She knows I don’t like bars and I know that she doesn’t like bars, so why are we meeting up here? None of this is making sense. I’d joke to myself and say that maybe I should start drinking, but then I think I deserve to slap myself for that horrible joke.
Nonetheless, I walk into the bar all the same and act as if this isn’t bugging the hell out of me as I search for her. Luckily, it isn’t a smoky room in the slightest so I spot her fairly fast but something catches my attention first. I blink.
“Squall…remember the last time we were in a bar?”
Her slightly rounded stomach made me remember all too well.
-—Forever—Breaking Benjamin—3:55—-
I never had a problem picking jewelry as a teenager, between my sole earring, Griever necklace and ring, all of the decisions regarding those didn’t require too much of my time. I knew what I was looking for and I bought it when I saw it. It was as simple as that.
Now, I couldn’t begin to choose what I wanted if my life depended on it.
Maybe it had to do with the fact that I’d see my choice on her finger forever.
-—Forget About The Rain—Trapt—3:29—-
We can’t go outside because it’s raining, he said. Pish. You can have the most fun when no one’s out there in the rain. No one to gawk at you jump into puddles with your boots, collecting water in cupped hands, no one to comment on the fact that your tee-shirt is indecently transparent…it sounds like good old-fashioned fun to me. But he won’t have any of my reasoning; he’s too serious to forget about the rain.
Hm…I think I’ll surprise him by dumping a bucket of water over his head.
-—Float On—Modest Mouse—3:28—-
“Squall, you’re not going to drown, come on….the water’s nice and warm!” I shouted at him from the deep end of the pool, treading water aimlessly. It was rather lonely being the only one in the pool.
He shook his head. “Rinoa, there’s a reason why people don’t go in the pool after eating.” he countered. “I’m not going to be a statistic.”
“Don’t worry; I’ll make sure you keep afloat. No one’ll know that you can’t swim.”
-—Black Hole Sun—Soundgarden—5:18—-
The meta-magic we’ve used in battle has always confused me. The others have always dismissed the actual logistics of it, preferring not to confuse themselves over something that didn’t really matter so they were free to go into battle with a clear head but I had to wonder. It was my nature to wonder. How can someone store Fire in their heads and not have a life-threatening fever? How can someone keep Thunder spells and not suffer the literal effects of shock? I’ve tried to have Squall explain it to me but it does more harm than good. I always walk away more confused than when I first went to ask him.
Don’t even get me started on Demi spells. Having a black hole in your pants is just weird.
-—I Hate (Everything About You)—Three Days Grace—3:55—-
Sometimes I really wondered what ever attracted me to him. I really did. Okay, I’ll admit that I was physically attracted to him first and that’s probably why I tried pursuing him. I guess this what they’re actually talking about when they say it’s love at first sight. You take that one peek at a person and it’s like you’re putting blinders for some unsavory qualities they have because you refuse to believe that they act a certain way when they look like that and they’re kissing you and taking off your shirt and…
…Well, let’s just say he’s better now.
-—Simon—Lifehouse—6:01—-
I feel like Squall’s putting himself in a cage sometimes, purposely shutting himself out for no reason. For the longest time, I couldn’t understand why but I think I’m starting to get the idea, now that I took a trip back to Timber, only to have tons of comments on how I changed with the underlying tone of, ‘you’re not the same and we want the old you back’. I didn’t think I’ve changed enough to warrant that kind of welcome so to get that was almost heart-breaking. When I felt like just faking my immature ways just so I’d stop getting this reaction, it suddenly clicked. Squall must have been getting the same reaction so he’s hiding to pretend like he hadn’t changed.
…Or was he doing that to ignore the reality that our relationship had made him a different person?
-—Damn—Matchbox Twenty—3:20—-
This really caught me off guard. I’m still reeling and my mouth isn’t working. My legs are starting to feel like jelly too. Why did I think we’d never get to this point? I haven’t breached the subject because I thought that he wouldn’t want to, or maybe it’s because I never thought of him in this way. Now that I think about it, I don’t know why I put him on such a pedestal. He is a guy underneath it all.
I think it’s about time I said yes.
-—Rest Stop—Matchbox Twenty—4:30—-
Driving for several hours had already taken its toll on me. Rinoa was asleep and I had to pull over to a rest stop — I needed to stretch my legs and get a little air. Once I found an exit on the highway with a sign indicating that there was a coffee shop and a gas bar, I took it. We were a little low on fuel anyway.
When we were there a minutes after that, I parked to the side of the coffee place and got out to do what I so sorely needed to do. After I got all of the kinks out of my system, I reached for the handle only to find that it wouldn’t open. Shit. Peering through the window I realized that my keys were still in the ignition.
It looked like I’d have to wait until my sleeping angel woke up.
-—Lucky Star—Goo Goo Dolls—3:08—-
“Squall, look at that one!”
Her enthusiasm for the heavens above never failed to amuse me. It was an enthusiasm we didn’t share, but I admired her for keeping it after what had happened in space. I…just couldn’t.
“Hey, are you even paying attention?” she lightly chided. “You look like you’re a million miles away.”
I turned away from the dark sky and looked at her instead. The lucky stars in her eyes were enough for me.
-—My Apocalypse—Metallica—5:01—-
If anything could be said about Squall in combat, it was that for whatever reason, you don’t ask him to cast fire elemental spells, even Meteor and Flare spells were cutting it close. It was Ice spells or nothing. Not like it mattered, his Lion Heart made short work of anything that came across its path.
Another thing that could be said about Squall in combat is that you don’t ask him why he hates using fire-based spells. You might just get a gruesome demonstration of why he didn’t like using them, needing a winter coat just looking at it.
-—Another Second Time Around—Goo Goo Dolls—3:00—-
“You’re the best looking guy here. Dance with me?”
Nothing. Nada. He just looked at me with those stormy slate eyes of his.
“Rinoa, don’t try to recreate that night, you’re just going to be disappointed.”
“It’s just for fun Squall, I won’t care if your dancing is a little rusty.”
“Rust has nothing to do with it.”
“Alright, what is it then?”
“I don’t think I’ll be able to let you leave this time.”
-—My Hero—Foo Fighters—4:18—-
I hate the notion of us being hailed as heroes. It annoys me to no end and Rinoa’s not doing anything to help. She’s under the impression that we are heroes too.
“Squall, if you guys didn’t do what you did, the world would have died when Ultimecia did what she did.” she said.
“I’m not a hero. I’m just an ordinary teenager put in an extraordinary situation. Heroes are supposed to be people who save the world willingly, not because they were forced to.”
“Well…can you be my hero if you don’t want to be the world’s?”
-—Cry For Help—Shinedown—3:20—-
I could hear the screams, the cries for help and it’s driving me insane. I can’t deal with the fact that she’s calling for me and not someone else. I can’t deal with the fact that someone’s depending on me. All I ever do is let people down. I’m not fit for being depended on, there are more competent and worthy people I’m sure.
Still, I pray that she’ll be okay until I get there. I depend on her to save me too.
-—Mad Season—Matchbox Twenty—4:30—-
“Rinoa, I feel like an idiot. Can we stop?”
“No, I want you to be apart of this.”
“All I seem to be apart of is making a mess on the floor. I’m not cut out for this.”
She tossed me a look. “Squall, if you quit now, you’ll never know what it’s like. I don’t care if you make a mess. I just want you to try.” She paused her motivational speech to give me another heated kiss on the lips. “…I promise it’ll be worth it in the end.”
“I’m holding you to your word Rinoa.”
“Don’t worry. These cookies will definitely be worth it.”
I am, to a certain degree, a writer who specializes in quirky writing. I seriously cannot help that. Whenever I have any serious scene I have in a chapter, more often then not, I can't help but inject a joke or just something that makes it less serious. Luckily for me, I stumbled across a fanfiction meme where it combines my love of song shuffle memes and fanfiction. It basically forces you to write a drabble about your favourite pairing with your songs on shuffle and you have to write each drabble within the song's duration.
Just to give you a taste, these are my current favourites so far:
-—Spin—Lifehouse—4:52—-
Spinning around in an old tire, being pushed by Rinoa…it seemed utterly ridiculous. The whole damn idea was ridiculous. People were gawking, I was getting dizzy on top of it…why I was still on this swing was beyond me but it didn’t stop me from staying silent and letting Rinoa playfully push me.
“Had enough?” she asked. I could tell by her voice that she was smiling, on the brink of giggling.
Somehow, I found myself with a slight grin in spite of the embarrassment and nausea.
“No, not yet.”
And I wouldn’t have changed my answer for anything in the world.
-—Wait For the Blackout (cover)—Goo Goo Dolls—3:39—-
Whenever things happen in the most peculiar times, we often try to recreate a similar kind of situation in hopes of recreating the moment, even if it’s nowhere near as memorable. Squall and I first made love to each other during the only blackout Balamb Garden had ever suffered.
I’ve tried to fry our lights at least four times now. Buying light bulbs after is so totally worth it.
-—Closing Time—Semisonic—3:51—-
A bar. Of all places she drags me to after all this time apart, she calls me up, asking me to meet her up in a bar in Timber? I just don’t get it. She knows I don’t like bars and I know that she doesn’t like bars, so why are we meeting up here? None of this is making sense. I’d joke to myself and say that maybe I should start drinking, but then I think I deserve to slap myself for that horrible joke.
Nonetheless, I walk into the bar all the same and act as if this isn’t bugging the hell out of me as I search for her. Luckily, it isn’t a smoky room in the slightest so I spot her fairly fast but something catches my attention first. I blink.
“Squall…remember the last time we were in a bar?”
Her slightly rounded stomach made me remember all too well.
-—Forever—Breaking Benjamin—3:55—-
I never had a problem picking jewelry as a teenager, between my sole earring, Griever necklace and ring, all of the decisions regarding those didn’t require too much of my time. I knew what I was looking for and I bought it when I saw it. It was as simple as that.
Now, I couldn’t begin to choose what I wanted if my life depended on it.
Maybe it had to do with the fact that I’d see my choice on her finger forever.
-—Forget About The Rain—Trapt—3:29—-
We can’t go outside because it’s raining, he said. Pish. You can have the most fun when no one’s out there in the rain. No one to gawk at you jump into puddles with your boots, collecting water in cupped hands, no one to comment on the fact that your tee-shirt is indecently transparent…it sounds like good old-fashioned fun to me. But he won’t have any of my reasoning; he’s too serious to forget about the rain.
Hm…I think I’ll surprise him by dumping a bucket of water over his head.
-—Float On—Modest Mouse—3:28—-
“Squall, you’re not going to drown, come on….the water’s nice and warm!” I shouted at him from the deep end of the pool, treading water aimlessly. It was rather lonely being the only one in the pool.
He shook his head. “Rinoa, there’s a reason why people don’t go in the pool after eating.” he countered. “I’m not going to be a statistic.”
“Don’t worry; I’ll make sure you keep afloat. No one’ll know that you can’t swim.”
-—Black Hole Sun—Soundgarden—5:18—-
The meta-magic we’ve used in battle has always confused me. The others have always dismissed the actual logistics of it, preferring not to confuse themselves over something that didn’t really matter so they were free to go into battle with a clear head but I had to wonder. It was my nature to wonder. How can someone store Fire in their heads and not have a life-threatening fever? How can someone keep Thunder spells and not suffer the literal effects of shock? I’ve tried to have Squall explain it to me but it does more harm than good. I always walk away more confused than when I first went to ask him.
Don’t even get me started on Demi spells. Having a black hole in your pants is just weird.
-—I Hate (Everything About You)—Three Days Grace—3:55—-
Sometimes I really wondered what ever attracted me to him. I really did. Okay, I’ll admit that I was physically attracted to him first and that’s probably why I tried pursuing him. I guess this what they’re actually talking about when they say it’s love at first sight. You take that one peek at a person and it’s like you’re putting blinders for some unsavory qualities they have because you refuse to believe that they act a certain way when they look like that and they’re kissing you and taking off your shirt and…
…Well, let’s just say he’s better now.
-—Simon—Lifehouse—6:01—-
I feel like Squall’s putting himself in a cage sometimes, purposely shutting himself out for no reason. For the longest time, I couldn’t understand why but I think I’m starting to get the idea, now that I took a trip back to Timber, only to have tons of comments on how I changed with the underlying tone of, ‘you’re not the same and we want the old you back’. I didn’t think I’ve changed enough to warrant that kind of welcome so to get that was almost heart-breaking. When I felt like just faking my immature ways just so I’d stop getting this reaction, it suddenly clicked. Squall must have been getting the same reaction so he’s hiding to pretend like he hadn’t changed.
…Or was he doing that to ignore the reality that our relationship had made him a different person?
-—Damn—Matchbox Twenty—3:20—-
This really caught me off guard. I’m still reeling and my mouth isn’t working. My legs are starting to feel like jelly too. Why did I think we’d never get to this point? I haven’t breached the subject because I thought that he wouldn’t want to, or maybe it’s because I never thought of him in this way. Now that I think about it, I don’t know why I put him on such a pedestal. He is a guy underneath it all.
I think it’s about time I said yes.
-—Rest Stop—Matchbox Twenty—4:30—-
Driving for several hours had already taken its toll on me. Rinoa was asleep and I had to pull over to a rest stop — I needed to stretch my legs and get a little air. Once I found an exit on the highway with a sign indicating that there was a coffee shop and a gas bar, I took it. We were a little low on fuel anyway.
When we were there a minutes after that, I parked to the side of the coffee place and got out to do what I so sorely needed to do. After I got all of the kinks out of my system, I reached for the handle only to find that it wouldn’t open. Shit. Peering through the window I realized that my keys were still in the ignition.
It looked like I’d have to wait until my sleeping angel woke up.
-—Lucky Star—Goo Goo Dolls—3:08—-
“Squall, look at that one!”
Her enthusiasm for the heavens above never failed to amuse me. It was an enthusiasm we didn’t share, but I admired her for keeping it after what had happened in space. I…just couldn’t.
“Hey, are you even paying attention?” she lightly chided. “You look like you’re a million miles away.”
I turned away from the dark sky and looked at her instead. The lucky stars in her eyes were enough for me.
-—My Apocalypse—Metallica—5:01—-
If anything could be said about Squall in combat, it was that for whatever reason, you don’t ask him to cast fire elemental spells, even Meteor and Flare spells were cutting it close. It was Ice spells or nothing. Not like it mattered, his Lion Heart made short work of anything that came across its path.
Another thing that could be said about Squall in combat is that you don’t ask him why he hates using fire-based spells. You might just get a gruesome demonstration of why he didn’t like using them, needing a winter coat just looking at it.
-—Another Second Time Around—Goo Goo Dolls—3:00—-
“You’re the best looking guy here. Dance with me?”
Nothing. Nada. He just looked at me with those stormy slate eyes of his.
“Rinoa, don’t try to recreate that night, you’re just going to be disappointed.”
“It’s just for fun Squall, I won’t care if your dancing is a little rusty.”
“Rust has nothing to do with it.”
“Alright, what is it then?”
“I don’t think I’ll be able to let you leave this time.”
-—My Hero—Foo Fighters—4:18—-
I hate the notion of us being hailed as heroes. It annoys me to no end and Rinoa’s not doing anything to help. She’s under the impression that we are heroes too.
“Squall, if you guys didn’t do what you did, the world would have died when Ultimecia did what she did.” she said.
“I’m not a hero. I’m just an ordinary teenager put in an extraordinary situation. Heroes are supposed to be people who save the world willingly, not because they were forced to.”
“Well…can you be my hero if you don’t want to be the world’s?”
-—Cry For Help—Shinedown—3:20—-
I could hear the screams, the cries for help and it’s driving me insane. I can’t deal with the fact that she’s calling for me and not someone else. I can’t deal with the fact that someone’s depending on me. All I ever do is let people down. I’m not fit for being depended on, there are more competent and worthy people I’m sure.
Still, I pray that she’ll be okay until I get there. I depend on her to save me too.
-—Mad Season—Matchbox Twenty—4:30—-
“Rinoa, I feel like an idiot. Can we stop?”
“No, I want you to be apart of this.”
“All I seem to be apart of is making a mess on the floor. I’m not cut out for this.”
She tossed me a look. “Squall, if you quit now, you’ll never know what it’s like. I don’t care if you make a mess. I just want you to try.” She paused her motivational speech to give me another heated kiss on the lips. “…I promise it’ll be worth it in the end.”
“I’m holding you to your word Rinoa.”
“Don’t worry. These cookies will definitely be worth it.”
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